Mummy, hold strong…

‘Mummyyyyyy’, she started shouting in the middle of the night.
‘No, I don’t want this’ she went on after a few months.
‘Mummy, now we are fine. The baby is in the stroller, I hold on the right side, my brother holds on the left. There is no room for other kids’ she added on a cloudy day.
‘Mummy, can you put us the Rebbe’ s video becuase he is our soul?’ she asked when no other videos were offered home.
‘Mummy, can I go to sleep over by a friend?’ and there started her freedom declaration.
‘Mummy, it was really fun to be there overnight’ she threw there with her jacket coming back home. And since then nothing was the same.
‘Bye mum, See you in 4 months with G-d’s help’ Her ticket was in her bag, the passport in her hand and a part of my heart was in her suitcase. She was just 14 and her flight for Israel was waiting for her.
‘Mummy, I want to come homeeeeeeee!!!!! I don’t like anything here, nor friends nor the school. Why can’t I come back?’ becuase my baby lady, this is for your. For your future, for your growing and becoming a good person. And I really meant it. But I was suffering more than her.
‘Mummy, thank you for sending me here. You cannot imagine how I am happy, how I love being here’ and I was happy too, but I knew that that moment was the beginning of the end. Of years in which she needed so much, in which she just wanted to be embraced.
‘Mummy, hold strong. I have amazing news for you. I am….’

Just one moment. You are learning to say mum, you are empowering through the first denials, you don’t want any new brothers, you would like to see a video of the Rebbe, you learnt the fun of sleeping over by a friend, you are missing home, you are enjoying your stay away from home or…

No, don’t tell me. Did these 19 years pass already so fast?
Yes, mum. They are. And For me too. And now it’s time for me to let you know these wonderful news. I want to get married very very soon…

20111108-220458.jpg

Don’t steal my life…

I want back my life, I want back my breaths,I want back my cries, I want back my smiles. I want back my days, i want back my nights. I want to be there, back in time, with the knowledge of today. Able to apreciate a baby’s cry, a diaper change, a loving little hand looking for yours during the night. Able to love children talks in the hours preceeding an university exam day. Able to tell between those important things G-d offers you everyday. And the very insignificant one He puts you during life in order to confise you a little bit. Able to live every single minute as the best present you could be ever offered. Able to to attach the ‘negative’ etiquette to things that really deserve it. And attach the’positive’ one to things that deserve it too. Maybe this is the reason why G-d made children grow up with parents: In order for their ears to be always full of words that remind them life ‘is like a flash’. At 12 p.m of a Tuesday morning 1992 you look at your baby in a hospital crib. And at 12 p.m of a Tuesday morning 2011 you look at your baby in a white wedding gown…

Day 10th. A sovrannatural order

1 year earlier: choose your  bride dress

10 months earlier: choose your wedding design.

8 months earlier: location for the wedding

7 months earlier: choose your catering.

6 months earlier: organize your honeymoon

5 months earlier: presents list

4 months earlier: invitations

3 months earlier: choose photographer and make up

1 month earlier:  just relax…

We are sitting in a waiting room while a woman is speaking on the phone. she says she will be back with us in five minutes. I am sure she did not get the point. maybe she did not undertand who we are. or better. who we are going to be. We will enter in the guinnes book. I am sure. no one ever prepared his/her wedding in three months. especially when in the next days Jewish festivals are starting and between rosh hashana, yom kipur and sukkot we will find ourselves in November. two months away from the wedding.

By the way, the woman I was mentioning is supposed to show us a hall. that is not meant for the wedding. It is meant for a bar mizvah.

So summarizing:

In two months my son will, with G-d’s help, turn 13. And as a good mother i am supposed to organize him the best party in the world.

In three months my daughter will, with G-d’s help, become a wife. And as a good mother I am supposed to organize her the best wedding in the world.

In four months I think I will be in Hawaii, sipping from a colored glass a kosher juice fruit, resting on a chair and smiling at the memory of the craziest months of my life…

Lesson of the day: If I am not for me who will be for me (it means that it’s only the bride’s mother who must be nervous), and if I am only for myself who am I (maybe it means I shoud organize something else besides a wedding and a bar mizvah. does anybody need my help?). and if not now when? (When???please do not mention any time matter…)

p.s message for the writer of the brochure for brides. if you ever happen to come in my part of the town, please do not hesitate to contact me. I will be very glad to tell you what adjustmentes you need to make to your time schedule. in order to fit it to the Orthodox Jewish world…