If not now when …

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G-d, please help me not to live my days thinking I am the poorest of the world while I was the richest one. Help me not to pronounce words thinking they’re the right ones while they were the wrongest of all. Help me not to struggle for planting seeds, for finding  one day their fruits are the bitterest ones.

Help me not to look ahead so sure of myself about the real goal, while that row was there only for testing me once more. Please help me not to look back after 100 years realizing the real worth of all things I fought  for was less than a pile of dust. Please help me not to understand when it is too late, how I should have lived my whole life in order to deserve to be called your son. Please help me not to find myself one far away day looking for the right answer to what it really means being a Jew. Make that, surrounded by my descendants when my hair color will be the sum of all colours, I can smile satisfied and proud of their names, of the festivals they will be respecting, of the Saturdays they’ll be observing. Help me  to do now what is right, to walk where it is right to go,  to say now what is fair to say, to think now what is right to think. Grant me enlightenment to forge a destiny I will be proud of. Do not make me belong to that category of human beings who  are able to understand only when things are done.

I entrust to you, angels who collect all prayers to make scores of human life to be brought before the King, you who gather the tears in large jugs to be placed on the scale with which G-d judges the world, to you who do not close your ears when the screams of the soul goes beyond the spiritual sound barrier, to you angels  I commend these words of mine.

And before the gates of Heaven close and You affix a seal to the envelope containing my new year, enlighten me G-d about the power of a single moment, the infinity of present, about the magic of good intentions and the ability of  a Jewish soul to transform a whole life in less than a second.

 

Gmar chatimà tovà,

may the envelope of each of us contain only good things.

Gheula Canarutto Nemni

 

A wish list

Here’s a short list of what I would still like to do with you.
I would like to breast feed you some more
I would like to teach you to walk again
I would like to repeat with you ‘mummy’ slowly as once
I would like to push you on the swing for the hundredth time without complaining
I would like to take you again to first grade hand in hand
I would like to reassure you before the vaccination
I would like to hug you after a bad dream
I would like to tell you that I love you though you have scattered all your toys
I would like to teach you my preferred song
I would like to dance with you while you are dressed in that fluffy and shiny pink dress
I would like to embrace you at the age of 10
I would like to eat with you those chocolates in which you invested all your money at the age of 12 and for which I shouted you for two days
I would like to lie down in the bed with you counting the florescent stars we attached on the ceiling
I would like to understand some more what you were thinking at the age of 14

I would like to kiss you goodnight at the age of 16 even though you were not hanging the phone

I would like to go around for shopping once again without looking at the watch

I would like to fill the air with all my love for you and let you smell only this smell for the past 19 years.

I would like…read it again and again, my sweet love and try not to forget any of these wish list points with your future, with G-d’s help, kids…