If not now when …

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G-d, please help me not to live my days thinking I am the poorest of the world while I was the richest one. Help me not to pronounce words thinking they’re the right ones while they were the wrongest of all. Help me not to struggle for planting seeds, for finding  one day their fruits are the bitterest ones.

Help me not to look ahead so sure of myself about the real goal, while that row was there only for testing me once more. Please help me not to look back after 100 years realizing the real worth of all things I fought  for was less than a pile of dust. Please help me not to understand when it is too late, how I should have lived my whole life in order to deserve to be called your son. Please help me not to find myself one far away day looking for the right answer to what it really means being a Jew. Make that, surrounded by my descendants when my hair color will be the sum of all colours, I can smile satisfied and proud of their names, of the festivals they will be respecting, of the Saturdays they’ll be observing. Help me  to do now what is right, to walk where it is right to go,  to say now what is fair to say, to think now what is right to think. Grant me enlightenment to forge a destiny I will be proud of. Do not make me belong to that category of human beings who  are able to understand only when things are done.

I entrust to you, angels who collect all prayers to make scores of human life to be brought before the King, you who gather the tears in large jugs to be placed on the scale with which G-d judges the world, to you who do not close your ears when the screams of the soul goes beyond the spiritual sound barrier, to you angels  I commend these words of mine.

And before the gates of Heaven close and You affix a seal to the envelope containing my new year, enlighten me G-d about the power of a single moment, the infinity of present, about the magic of good intentions and the ability of  a Jewish soul to transform a whole life in less than a second.

 

Gmar chatimà tovà,

may the envelope of each of us contain only good things.

Gheula Canarutto Nemni

 

Since I saw you the first time

Since I saw you the first time, during those short but long instants when you were learning to tell between water and air I knew I would have changed my belief system. I stopped complaining with G-d about the clear and understandable miracles He used to create for His nation while crossing the Red Sea. While in our times you should be able to remember His hand looking at the perfect syncronization of moon and sun. It’s unfair, I used to complain. How can we go on and proclaim all the world You are there, without having concrete proofs at our hands. Some secret cards to throw on that table game that is life, when everything seems to go against your convictions. Then you arrived.With that reddish color and slow voice. With pain mixed to joy, tears to hope, a new world compared to the existing one. A new creation born from prayers and love. You were there. With a white wrapping which reminded an envelope. On which there could be a stamp. Miracle on its way. And you, my little baby, arrived in my arms. Now, after two months, when you are embraced from your mummy far away from me, your grandma, and I can still smell the trace of your presence in my kitchen. After you left and the signs of the wheels of your carriage are still on the floor of my dining room. Now I find the brightness of ideas to declare to myself and the world that yes, you are the proof that open miracles are still happening every single instant and day. From the height of your infancy, like you were sitting on a throne made of breaths and voice which did not exist a few minutes earlier, you were a great teacher. Thank you my little Baby. I love you with all my heart. Oma

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Ladies and gentlemen, Am Israel Chai

April 18th 2012. 26 Nissan 5772. Yom hashoah. The commemoration day for the Shoah. Benyamin Netanyahu speaks in front of thousands people in Yad Vashem. Speaks. And tells. About Esther Nadiv. An 89 years old lady who survived to Mengele and his infinetely cruel experiments. About Hanoch Mandelbaum. An 89 years old man who survived that hell called Bergen Belsen. And who was able, after a few years since his arrival to the land of his fathers, to give life to the desk on which David ben Gurion signed the Israel Independence declaration. Abou Iran. And its constant nuclear danger. About the world. And its renuvated silence. In front of another threaten to the Jewish survival. A silence that easily reminds Netanyahu and us, another silence. That brought to the biggest tragedy of our humanity. Benyamin Netanyahu is in Yad Vashem. And from there, he remembers. The impossibility for most of European Jews to perceive the coming tragedy and save their lives before it was too late. The anger of many of them in front of the scary words of the Jewish leaders who tried to open their eyes in front of the rising antisemitism. Benyamin Netanyahu is in Yad Vashem. And forgets. He is in Yad Vashem, speaking to thousands of people, listened by millions all around the world. And he looses a chance. He mentions the Israeli army. He remembers the Jewish capabilities. He reminds the Israeli nation its duty and its determination, to defend itself. But he forgets.That the Jewish survival among nations. Among big, powerful countries full of weapons and hate. That survival that goes against statistics and mathematical rules. That is the exact opposite of natural laws that tend to grant victory to the stronger and more powerful. That survival is due to Someone. Which  Benyamin Netanyahu, in Yad Vashem, forgets to mention, even once. Ladies and Gentlemen,  Am Israel Chai he says loud and clear. Forgetting that the same person who signed the independence declaration of his state, David ben Gurion,  used to say that in Israel, in order to be realistic, you have to believe in miracles. Ladies and gentlemen, Am Israel Chai. Not because we have an army, or because we want so strong to survive. Am Israel chai, our nation is still here to challenge nature and its eternal laws, because Someone decided it. Because that Someone never stopped, even for one tiny second, to perform miracles for His nation. Benyamin Netanyahu, Jewish secret of survival has only one name. G-d.

Killing values and children

It’s morning. It’s night. It’s time to start a new day. It’s time to end all of them. It’s life. It’s death. It’s values. It’s culture of killing. It’s fathers. It’s children. It’s Toulouse. It’s France. It’s 2012. And still people die because of their religion, because of being value oriented, because being Abraham children. Because following G-d and His laws. Beacuse believing in the right of everybody to live free in the world without being scared to go to a Jewish school. Values and children are dying in our world. Civil values and Jewish children. And if those who are scared to openly condemn these murederers calling, if those who don’t dare to give terrorists their true name and are afraid to put a stop to their crazy race against life, if they think that their being non-Jews, their not belonging to the eternally persecuted nation, will be an emergency exit for them. This time they are wrong. Because the fight of this anti values world starts from Jews. But will not stop there. All unfaithful people will be condemned. Unless the world understands that going against Jews is killing the civil values at the base of all democracies.

Happy purim, the feast of natural miracles…

Good morning world, says the voice of the lady while singing her preferred song. And naturally breathing to take some air in her lounges. Have a nice walk, wishes the mother to the son. And naturally walking he approaches his new goal. What a wonderful sight, says the tourist when hit by the blue of the sky mixing with the blue of the sea. And naturally using his eyes, stops the magic moment on a camera. I love you so much, whispers the young husband to his newly married wife. And naturally feeling his accelerated heartbeat, hopes that these feelings will never stop to exist. Hello world, announces the blogger moving his fingers fast on the keyboard. And naturally connecting memories, knowledge, inspiration and neurons to the words running on the screen where he is writing. Let’s make a party, says Achashverosh, and bring my wife too. The queen doesn’t want to appear. And naturally the king orders to kill her immediately. Find me a new queen, commands the king realizing he is alone. All the girls of the kingdom are brought to him. And naturally he chooses Esther, whose Jewish identity is not revealed. Haman becomes the most important minister of Achashverosh reign. everybody must bow him. But Mordechai doesn’t want to. And naturally Haman thinks it would be good to get rid of him. And, why not, even of all the Jewish people. Mordechai sends a message to Ester telling her she is the only chance of salvation.And who knows if it was only for this that you happened to be the queen. Esther is afraid to go and ask Achasverosh to save her brothers and sisters.She goes anyway. And naturally Achashverosh listens to her requests though it was thirty days he was not seeing her and though she was fasting since three days.We wake up in the morning and we take everything for granted, the fact we are breathing, that we are able to see, to walk, to feel, to think, to exist. There is such a day in which we rejoice for natural events. It is called Purim. And it reminds us that all those tiny, insignificant, usual, things, are never by chance. That Achashverosh could get married with the girl just behind Esther. That Mordechai could be in the synagogue instead of being there in the exact moment and hear the complot against the king. That Haman could remain an insignificant deputy. Instead of becoming the most important king minister. That the king could see the greenish face of Esther, due to three days of prayer and fast. Instead of giving her the chance to go and speak to him. Purim is the feast of natural miracles. Of small, insignificant, unnoticed facts, that happen in the most natural way. Soprannatural events, that bring, seemingly by chance, to the salvation of the Israeli nation. And to the daily existence of biliards of people. This is Purim. The day in which nature is asked to remove its mask and reveal the hand of G-d behind every event. From the tiniest one to the most magnificient and unbelievable natural fact.

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Dear H, our hearts are there with you…

Dear H.,
I am sitting here and thinking of you. I was planning to do something else, to use my time for the endless things I have to do before my children come home from school. But, as happened already in most of the times I tried to do things during the last days, my thoughts went to you.
To your changed life. To your morning, when you open your eyes on a new day and just pray in your heart “Please G-d tell me all this was only a nightmare”. Waking up, washing your face, looking in the mirror at your image and remembering those relaxed days in which you still had the will of being busy with green and grey, red and pink, the colors with which you should make up that day. Going to wake up your kids for school, asking G-d to give you enough strenght to smile as nothing changed. Receiving a tired hug from your sweet girls and trying to swallow those precious moments. That maybe, before all this happened, were as normal routine. And not as you can see them now. Small miracles. Dear H, what you are passing through is not only for you. it’s for everybody of us. it’s a lesson. Of life. Of apreciation. And love. It’s an opportunity for us, your friends, to close our eyes in front of all the mess our children are doing, To be less nervous if a file gets lost in our computer. Or the fridge breaks. Or the new oven, bought only a few months ago, decides it does not want to work anymore. These things have no power on us, are not able to change our mood. There are in life things that are much more important. and worthy to worry. And be happy for. May H’ listen to all our prayers, all the whispers of our lips while we pronounce the name of your baby uncountable times a day. May your life get back immediately as it was before the bad news of that day. May your biggest worry be about the skirt you will wear on the coming day. May we dance in your baby’s wedding remembering and laughing on those worrying days. We love you H. We are there with you, with all our hearts, souls, minds and prayers.

No reminders for 25 hours…

G-d, I just wanted to thank You. For giving us the opportunity to detach the wire from our daily runs. For offering us a weekly chance to breath deeply without feeling guilty. For having us cooking for something that goes beyond our hunger. For closing our ears to the daily news for 25 hours. For letting us sleeping during the night without the nightmare of forgetting to set the morning alarm. For giving us time for smiles and laughs with our kids without looking at our dictator-watch. For offering us a weekly fine tuning on the real values of life. For having chance to meet our friends without being called 200 times per hour by our children on the cellphone. For letting us close the file with the guest list of the wedding without feeling the heart rythm increasing dramaticaly. For giving us the opportunity to go around without reminders ringing during the way. For forcing us to switch off our cellphones, our computers, our wifi’s, our ipads, ipods and iphones, fearless to loose the most important phone call of the day, the coolest news of the week, the top song of the month, the most important Facebook history. G-d, I just wanted to thank You. Because when I cannot use anything, when the only creative activity I can do is to sit down and listen to my kids, I realize that it is only thanks to You, that I finally get to dedicate them some calm time after 144 hours of crazy run. And now that it’s over since 5 hours and I had already time to fight with the elecrticity company, update the wedding guest list, choose the right wines for that special night, write 157 new reminders for the next 144 hours of the week, feeling the accelerated heartbeats for the fear of having forgotten an important detail for the wedding night, I am already making the countdown for the hours that separate me from the next shabat….

Mummy, hold strong…

‘Mummyyyyyy’, she started shouting in the middle of the night.
‘No, I don’t want this’ she went on after a few months.
‘Mummy, now we are fine. The baby is in the stroller, I hold on the right side, my brother holds on the left. There is no room for other kids’ she added on a cloudy day.
‘Mummy, can you put us the Rebbe’ s video becuase he is our soul?’ she asked when no other videos were offered home.
‘Mummy, can I go to sleep over by a friend?’ and there started her freedom declaration.
‘Mummy, it was really fun to be there overnight’ she threw there with her jacket coming back home. And since then nothing was the same.
‘Bye mum, See you in 4 months with G-d’s help’ Her ticket was in her bag, the passport in her hand and a part of my heart was in her suitcase. She was just 14 and her flight for Israel was waiting for her.
‘Mummy, I want to come homeeeeeeee!!!!! I don’t like anything here, nor friends nor the school. Why can’t I come back?’ becuase my baby lady, this is for your. For your future, for your growing and becoming a good person. And I really meant it. But I was suffering more than her.
‘Mummy, thank you for sending me here. You cannot imagine how I am happy, how I love being here’ and I was happy too, but I knew that that moment was the beginning of the end. Of years in which she needed so much, in which she just wanted to be embraced.
‘Mummy, hold strong. I have amazing news for you. I am….’

Just one moment. You are learning to say mum, you are empowering through the first denials, you don’t want any new brothers, you would like to see a video of the Rebbe, you learnt the fun of sleeping over by a friend, you are missing home, you are enjoying your stay away from home or…

No, don’t tell me. Did these 19 years pass already so fast?
Yes, mum. They are. And For me too. And now it’s time for me to let you know these wonderful news. I want to get married very very soon…

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Please G-d…

Please G-d, give me the energy to smile to her mess.
To laugh when she scatters.
To pretend it’s a joke.
Please G-d, give me the strenght to be positive to her problems.
To think good when it’s dark,
To find out the right side in a wrong event.
Please G-d, make me a mother worthy of this name.
Worthy of waking her up in the morning letting the sun in the room.
Worthy of calling her name as the sweetest thing in the world.
Please G-d avoid listening to me when I am angry at her.
When I raise my voice trying to make her listen to my words.
When I loose my self control trying to get back the phone.
Please G-d, I know that I ask you for so many things.
For health, for healing from illnesses, for 120 years of good life.
For supporting us in an honorable way, letting us the opportunity to help others too.
For gratification from my children, whom I want to be the most righteus persons.
But I know that You are infinite and there is nothing beyond You.
And so I have a last request, that comes directly from my heart.
Make me enjoy this mad period as the best in the world.
Because I know for sure that in the precise second she will leave my home, I will understand how beautiful every detail, even the most insignificant, was.
Please G-d.
And thank you too.

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Don’t steal my life…

I want back my life, I want back my breaths,I want back my cries, I want back my smiles. I want back my days, i want back my nights. I want to be there, back in time, with the knowledge of today. Able to apreciate a baby’s cry, a diaper change, a loving little hand looking for yours during the night. Able to love children talks in the hours preceeding an university exam day. Able to tell between those important things G-d offers you everyday. And the very insignificant one He puts you during life in order to confise you a little bit. Able to live every single minute as the best present you could be ever offered. Able to to attach the ‘negative’ etiquette to things that really deserve it. And attach the’positive’ one to things that deserve it too. Maybe this is the reason why G-d made children grow up with parents: In order for their ears to be always full of words that remind them life ‘is like a flash’. At 12 p.m of a Tuesday morning 1992 you look at your baby in a hospital crib. And at 12 p.m of a Tuesday morning 2011 you look at your baby in a white wedding gown…