now it’s your turn…

Aleph Tevet 5772

Dear Sarah,

in a few days you will be under the chupa. Standing beside the man you have chosen to share your future with. From that moment your life will not be the same anymore. You will not be able to wake up late at morning knowing that no responsibility is on you. You will be a wife. And, with G-d’s help, a mother. Your children will smile if you smile to them. Your husband will come back home happy if you will show him you are happy to see him back home.  Your kitchen will be kosher if you  keep G-d’s laws about food. Spirituality will dwell in your home if you welcome it to stay. Love for Torah, for G-d and for His way will find a place in your family’s heart, if you are able to transmit them your message.

Maybe it’s not only by chance that your wedding will happen to be just after the days of Chanuka, during a cold winter night of Tevet.

Chanuka is a festival during which we celebrate the victory of a few Jews on a great number of people who wanted them simply to assimilate. To live their attachment to G-d through compromises. A festival to remember the victory of a reborn Jewish identity. A festival which symbol is not a weapon nor a sword. But a small pure oil jar, found after hours of hard research. Jews didn’t want to light the Menorah with a non pure oil. Even if they could do it, even if it was admitted for that exceptional matter. They didn’t want to celebrate a victory through a compromise. They wanted to live their identity with a pure and total serving heart. Jews tried the hard way and G-d rewarded them. Eight days of growing light, for thousands years to come.

Time has come to close this short but intense period of our life. From now ahead there will be, with G-d’s help, your husband beside you.

Take with you the secret of endurance during time of the small flame of Chanuka. The oil that gave life to it was made of pure Torah. There was not a trace of a compromise. This is the way Jews could survive during thousands years of exile.

Though sometimes it can seem very hard to go on and live with strong principles, never give up. Don’t let any trace of compromise on Torah and G-d, enter in your life.

And if that small flame is here today, able to share with us the story of our nation through the winters of exile, there is no doubt anyone can do it.

Go now, it’s your turn. To light the new flame that will burn for many years, b’h, ahead.

Mazal tov my little baby, I will never forget. This wonderful period that G-d gave us as a present to share. I love you with all my heart.

Yours forever,

Mami

She is my mother…believe it or not…

There are people who use special treatments to look younger. who spend money on creams, on pastes, on masks, on make ups. Who retire for several weeks in far and secret  places in order to reappear suddenly with a smoother and teenager looking face. Who spend hours in front of the mirror waiting for a miracle performed by Heaven. There are other people wo don’t have time for special creams and treatments. Who run after their children since the age of 20 without sleeping for 19 years. Who wake up in the morning with the feeling of not having a chance to close the eyes for more than 10 minutes. Who run after their children for years and years tryuìing to concile job and family without letting noticing to one world the existence of the second one. Who go around to shop with their daughters before their wedding and suddenly realize that maybe all the efforts of starting young, when her friends were still enjoying and playing, her adult life, with a family of her own, were worthy. Because most of the sellers of the shops just stop and ask her daughter to come back with her mother and not with her sister. And the daughter, smiling, turns towards her mother and for the hundreth time says: I know you don’t notice it but actually she is not my friend nor my sister. she is my mother..Believe it or not…

A wish list

Here’s a short list of what I would still like to do with you.
I would like to breast feed you some more
I would like to teach you to walk again
I would like to repeat with you ‘mummy’ slowly as once
I would like to push you on the swing for the hundredth time without complaining
I would like to take you again to first grade hand in hand
I would like to reassure you before the vaccination
I would like to hug you after a bad dream
I would like to tell you that I love you though you have scattered all your toys
I would like to teach you my preferred song
I would like to dance with you while you are dressed in that fluffy and shiny pink dress
I would like to embrace you at the age of 10
I would like to eat with you those chocolates in which you invested all your money at the age of 12 and for which I shouted you for two days
I would like to lie down in the bed with you counting the florescent stars we attached on the ceiling
I would like to understand some more what you were thinking at the age of 14

I would like to kiss you goodnight at the age of 16 even though you were not hanging the phone

I would like to go around for shopping once again without looking at the watch

I would like to fill the air with all my love for you and let you smell only this smell for the past 19 years.

I would like…read it again and again, my sweet love and try not to forget any of these wish list points with your future, with G-d’s help, kids…

We found the veil…is this the end?

We found finally the veil. Maybe I didn’t want actually to find it. Maybe I just wanted to posticipate. Because this step represented the final piece of a puzzle which will bring you a little bit away from us, in another country, with another family name, with a new love.

Who knows, I guess that sometimes I am really jealous. Because I know that, in a few days, your first thoughts will be for something that goes beyond our family. To your new identity.

Forgive me if I was rude, if I said things I did not mean. It was my mother nature who was calling from inside, trying to send you a message of which I am a little bit ashame: I love you so much, I know it seems strange, I know that if you were already 30 I would love this moment to become real.

The truth is,that I would want you some more only for me.

That I feel those times during which I was holding your hands and driving your moves, making you choose between a Croc’s and a shoe, are so frighteninly gone.

That the only thing I can do now is just to sit down in the car, with the engine switched off and let all the tears come directly from my heart to the surface of my face.

And tell you: I will always love you.

Don’t cry…

Don’t cry little baby. With G-d’s help, in a less than 21 days, you’ ll be there. Smiling and dancing and starting a new life. Don’t cry little baby, though he is now in the plane. He will be there thinking of you and of your common future ahead. Don’t cry little baby, come to hug your mummy. I know it could seem sometimes childish and reserved only for your little brothers and sisters. But believe me, as tears have no age and every moment can happen to be the right one to shed some of them without being ashame, so are hugs. infinite and ready for any kid you have, at any age, at any stage. and now please only come here, to me.

and may G-d grant you to shed for the next 120 years only tears of joy for wonderful things…

A dream, a knapsack and a shouting baby

Who could imagine your taste for nice clothes, that made us spend so much during the last 19 years, would have been one day so apreciated by someone?

Who could imagine your love for good food, that sometimes forced you to make rush diets, would have once transformed you in the best cook ever?

Who could imagine your dream of being dressed in a fluffy gown, that made you draw so many dresses on your schoolbooks, would have become real one day?

Who could imagine your special brown eyes, that made you call ‘princess’ after 10 minutes you were in this world, would have become one day so laughing and so charming?

Who could imagine our freedom lover, who was dreaming to cross all the world with a knapsack on her back, would have one day loved to stay home waiting for a phone call?

Who could imagine a girl who loved to sleep and woke up for 19 years with an angry expression on her face, could one day wake up with a smile for the coming day?

Who could imagine that little girl cheating during the memory game, going under the glass table and looking at all the cards, would have one day become a woman as you are today?

Who could imagine we would have arrived to that day, during which we should  be preparing mentally to this, with G-d’s help, wonderful and happy life trip while still not able to believe our baby is already at this important step?

Who could imagine one day we will have to let our little shouting, always sleeping, smart, dreaming baby, become his beloved lady?